Cleansing My Soul.

I went running today. I was intending to head out to Boot Camp, but I was late and I knew there just wasn't enough hours in the day today for me to get accomplished everything I wanted to do. So instead, I set my purse and keys down at the front door, grabbed my phone and earbuds, set my phone on Pandora and took off running. In the pouring down, freezing cold rain. I am not a runner.

I started off cautiously. Running to Glee Cast songs. Striding long over puddles, jumping over little streams of water, watching ever foot placement so as to not get my toes wet but not minding the rain hitting my face, my legs, my arms. I ran that way for 3 songs. Comfortable. Cautious. Feeling successful.

Then....this song came on. I don't know how it came up with this station on, but it did. I reached for my phone to change it, but couldn't. And as I ran, I became less cautious. And thought of the date. It was the the week before Valentine's Day last year that we started spreading the news. We were pregnant. That we made this video to that very special song and shared it with our family, friends and the world. That we opened our hearts to another member of our family.

My running became less cautious. My toes were the first to get wet. Socks drenched. Next I took my eyes off the road not caring where I stepped. I had always been so cautious when I heard that song. Smiling back at Dave or the children, but all of us holding it together. But right now I did not want to be cautious. As the rain water cleansed my exterior shell, I allowed that song to cleanse my soul as the salty water mixed with the rain water streamed down my face. I thought about how OK I really was that we don't have a 5 month old baby right now, but that the pain of that lost pregnancy will forever be with me. I cried as I ran. And I ran farther and farther away from my house.

I continued to think through the song as I cried and ran, about the 20 pounds I have been holding on to. Reluctant to give up. Holding on to them like memories of the lost pregnancy, lost brother, lost aunt of last year. When the song ended, it was then that I really started running. Running to lose those 20 pounds. Running to cleanse my soul. Running and realizing the gift of exercise that Jeff and Tiffany have given me again through the invitation to go back to boot camp. I ran 2.7 miles today, crying through most of it, and will be back at boot camp on Monday!

A new start. A new determination. Less caution. A cleansed soul. A reason to run and exercise!

{P.S. Blog Sale Post below if you missed it.}