{on growing my nest}

We had just recently cut down the beautiful but extremely messy climbing rose bush over our trellis when these two full-bellied birds appeared. The fresh clean start felt good but I panicked when I saw the birds. They were not strangers to me. I had watched them, each year for the past five years, build a nest in that trellis. A safe place to bring new life to the earth, to feed, to nurture and to teach to fly. I'd watch them gather sticks, twigs and grass and wonder if they were starting from scratch or just freshening up the nest from the prior year.

But not this year. This year I watched and could tell they were in a state of panic as they landed on the trellis. I watched them frantically race back and forth over the trellis looking for their nests. My heart started beating faster for them. Were they questioning each other wondering if they were at the right place? Like they might be losing their minds, like we sometimes feel we do when we are ripe with child. Had they waited until the last minute assuming their safe haven was still in tact. Were they feeling lost, confused, and helpless. Oh I was hoping it wasn't too late. That they had time to freshen an old nest or build a new one from scratch before their time was due. I said a little prayer for them. Crazy...but true. And, I sadly realized that I probably would never see them again.

Two days later, I was freshening up Blake's bed neatly pulling up the top sheet that he shoves way down to his feet because he likes the feel of his blanket close to his skin. It was then that I smelled his bed. It stunk. How long had it been since I changed the kids' sheets. I instantly thought...'I need to hire someone to do this for me' and it was in that instance that the vision of the two birds searching frantically for their nest came rushing back in to my mind. I collapsed on that stinky bed and cried. Cried because I can't do it all and there is so much I really want to be doing and am not enjoying because I am stretched so thin. Cried because I want to be the one who freshens our nests. I want my children to smile when they crawl into bed and realize that sweet smell came from mommy serving happily in our home. {Mind you I do love having my home deep cleaned by sweet Marissa every other week though.}

I had just come back from Creative Estates when this morning bed making broke my heart. So much was fresh in my mind about growing my business. How I could use Twitter and Facebook to continue relationships I had formed. How I could better grow my business by having more of a presence on the internet. How I had so much product that needed pictures taken, descriptions written and uploaded to my little shop. I was quickly becoming overwhelmed with the thought of all I had to do to grow my business, but still fresh on my mind was the desire I had to keep my own nest fresh. To keep warm fuzzy feelings in my home. It was then that my spirit was touched so gently and I heard a little whisper that so sweetly reminded me about something so much more important. I was growing a family.

A smile broke across my face as I stood at the kitchen sink. I felt free. The guilt was gone. I spent less time on the internet last week. All our of sheets were washed, freshened and beds were made with love. Laundry was caught up. The dishwasher was loaded and unloaded. Dinner was made {a few nights}. Homework was done with my full attention. Sleepovers happened and waffles were cooked the next morning. I was mommy first and happy. And I realized something very important....I would never feel successful in my business until I first felt successful in growing my family.

Like those birds that I might never see again, soon enough my children will be older and growing their own nests and I will yearn for this time back. I don't want to be frantic running up and down my halls wondering if I did enough, put it off too long, or panicked because I was running out of time or hiring someone else to do the little things that make my children feel safe, warm and loved. I'm not giving up my business. While I might miss an opportunity for my business to grow leaps and bounds, I don't want to miss my children doing the same. I am just growing it a little more slower than I thought because my family is growing so fast. Thanks for being patient with me!