Dear Dave + April....A Tuesday Series + a Giveaway Link

{each week Dave and I share letters to each other to help strengthen our marriage..click on side bar for the whole series}

dear dave,

it was bound to happen. a big blowout. i was hoping we were over the hump...but throw in a week apart, two sick kids, trying to go to dinner, financial issues with hospital expenses, extreme exhaustion from long week apart and it was inevitable. it got heated fast, harsh words were exchanged with little control, communication and fighting rules were broken and when we tried to call each other on the broken rules we just got more mad at each other. honestly the exhaustion on both parts just made it worse. that and we both had expectations that weren't met the night i came home. expectations. those usually lead to hurt feelings. {note to ourselves....something to work on. sharing our expectations with each other so that we know what the other wants/needs/expects. at least until we are confident that we can completely read each other again like an open book.}

but back to our blow up. i was ready to walk out the door this time. me not you. but i don't like the cold and it was cold outside. so i crawled into bed crying. crying from disappointment in us. crying over hurt feelings and the lack of communication that we just somehow couldn't get control of. crying out of shear exhaustion. crying because i felt like we might end up at square one again. but then the best thing happened. a 'first' when we fight. and my faith was renewed in us. you crawling into bed with me and just holding me. not admitting fault nor apology, we both owed each other that, but you softening first. and holding me. what an amazing feeling. to cry into the arms and shoulder of the man i love most. for you to want me calm and breathing normally and telling me that you don't like me to cry. i have a lot to learn from you. once calmed we talked and understood more the situation that caused the blow up. i liked falling asleep in your arms with my legs wrapped around yours. like when we were first married and couldn't get enough of each other. will you promise to always hold me when i cry? it was wonderful.

♥ april

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Dear April,
Just so you know, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that night....but what would that have accomplished? I was on the edge too but one of us had to talk the other down so I guess it was my turn. Next one is on you. Hopefully that will be a long while from now. I wanted to leave too, but I have learned that leaving doesn't solve anything. It broke my heart to hear you crying. I was sad and mad. We did break the "fighting rules" but we have to remember that we are not perfect, we are working and moving forward. Crawling into bed and holding you just felt like the right thing to do.

Enough about that though. Let's talk about the future and how we are working together to achieve peace in our relationship and our home, all of the time. I'm giving us a challenge. Do you remember about 10 or so years ago when we received some great advice? This is what we did: for one week we had to do something nice for each other, a type of service, anything around the house, with the kids, wherever we saw a need. You could not be asked to do it. It had to be done without fan fair and you could not tell your spouse what you did. Just sit back and enjoy the feelings of love that came from service. The kicker was though that we had to return and report by midnight every night by leaving a phone message for the counsellor, remember? We did not have to tell what we did just that we did something for our spouse. Being accountable every day for the happiness of your spouse made me think all day about little things I could do for you. In a perfect world we would do this everyday without hesitation. But we are human and tend to be selfish. This is a great exercise to break that habit and that is exactly what I need. This week is the start, I just need an accountability factor. I will return to this post and leave a comment each night. You in?

Love,
Dave

So it happened. We had a big doozy of a fight. On a night that should have been a wonderful reunion. We reverted back to old ways, but more importantly didn't give up. Changing, breaking the bad habits, putting our spouse first, thinking of their feelings, keeping the communication rules...it's a lot to remember. But our love comes first. And boy do we sure love each other.

What We Are Working On This Week:

There is a saying that goes like this, "Do you love the fight more than you love your spouse?" Let's love our spouses more. Let's do little things for them during the day as random acts of kindness, without them asking. I love Dave's idea. Hunny, I'm in! Wanna join us?

You can return and report each night here too. Just leave a comment that you did something nice. You don't have to be specific, just let us know that you did it! You can write 'mission accomplished' or 'done' or 'project completed' anytime throughout the day. Before you know it, it will be more than one thing that you do and your whole day will be filled with sweet little acts of love for your spouse. We speak from experience and are excited to give this a go again! I hope you'll join us.

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And, now for a fun announcement. Danyelle from Dandee Designs has a fun giveaway going on. It's a six month subscription to my Pretty Little Lovelies Club! How fun would that be to win? She will be posting it sometime today. You can find it here.

xo,
Dave + April