AN APOLOGY AND A THANK YOU.

Today I woke up feeling good. Cheery even. I had Chicks in Aprons today. We were making button rings. While sitting around the table after eating a very yummy breakfast of quiche and cinnamon rolls, baby names came up and then an unexpected pregnancy announcement.

I tried to hold back the tears. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to make my friend, with her very exciting news, feel bad. And, I didn't want the friend that said something to feel bad in any way. In fact, I could tell when the news came out that it wasn't her intention of announcing it while I was there but it came out and that is OK. That is life. And what happened next is life also. I couldn't hold back the tears. I couldn't hold back the weeping that was coming so I got up from the table and tried to take off down the hall before I lost it without anyone noticing. I did not want to make a scene. It wasn't even how I wanted to react, but I couldn't stop it. I felt horrible. I bawled again and a couple of friends came to my rescue. I was so mad at myself. It was NOT how I was wanting to react, but I couldn't stop the tears. Then the sweet friend who is newly pregnant came to me to apologize. I felt like I was the one owing her the apology. How awkward....I hated that I reacted that way and told her so. I told her that I don't want to cry when people announce their pregnancy, but that right now it is out of my control. I really was happy for her and for her little family. I was so sorry for the lack of control of my emotions.

I think the hardest part of this process is that I am not in control completely of my emotions and that is difficult for me. I have always kept them in check. In fact, I have rarely 'lost it' in front of anyone....only a few people in fact. Up until today anyway. And today I lost it in front of my whole group of friends.

Thank you, Jaime, for being so sweet and sensitive during a time that is so exciting for your family. And to all my Chicks in Aprons gals for understanding. I was embarrassed and you all made me feel perfectly normal. At the end of our gathering I asked to hold my friends 9 month old baby. It just felt like the right thing to do. I wanted to see how I felt holding a baby. If that was something that I really did want in my arms again. And it was comforting to feel just how comfortable that baby felt in my arms. Making him giggle and tickling him and snuggling up so close to kiss his little forehead. It just felt good and brought a cheeriness back to my soul today. And, for that moment, I was in control of my emotions. There wasn't any pain....just comfort.

Please come back here tomorrow for some sunshine.....some pretty pictures of my Liberty of London watering can and the spring flower planting that took place at our house this week {so part of the healing process....I recommend it} AND A GIVEAWAY! You all deserve to win.