Dear Dave + April....A Tuesday Series and a Giveaway!

{image designed by Lovely Lindsey}

Dear Dave,

This journey that we are on...I'm loving it. I love that we are so dedicated right now to working on our marriage. I do fear though that we will slowly start slipping back into old habits and patterns and that's why I think it is so important to write these letters to each other. To remind us of where we NEVER want to be again...so at odds with each other that there wasn't a feeling of unity. And speaking of 'never', I'm glad that we are working on not using those words anymore when we have a disagreement. And there really only has been a few since we starting making more of an effort in our marriage to talk instead of fight. Kind of nice huh! But when you said that you felt like I hadn't worked AT ALL on our marriage two weeks ago...that hurt. Because I had been. Really making some changes that I thought you had noticed. And, 'at all' sounded like never to me. But as we got to talking we realized you were just scared we were already slipping back into bad habits when really I was just PMSing. That happens once a month. I can't change it. We both know that I have 3 days of being totally irrational, irritable and unreasonable. I'm sorry that it takes us until the end of day two to figure it out. And it's a bummer that it happened just a week into really working on things. But we got through it. We survived it and I think things are still progressing really well. And, no you can't go camping 3 days each month! I really do need you during that time to remind the children that I've gone crazy.

I do still feel like we are a bit guarded with our conversations. Especially when broaching a topic we know has escalated quickly in the past. I don't like that. I want it to all be easy with you. To be totally comfortable again like it used to be. But the respect and approachability is definitely there and I'll say it again....I'm really loving where this thing is going. And one more thing, thank you for taking the extra step of washing the catheter when you help Blake in the bathroom instead of just throwing it in the sink for me to wash later. Just wanted you to know that I have noticed and I love you even more for it! How 'bout you. How are you feeling? Can I do better somewhere? I really want to know.

Love, me.

P.S. I'm really excited about the Marriage & Family Relations Class we got asked to participate in at church. I'm glad we both trusted our church Bishop too to share our ups and downs and let him know that we are working on our marriage to make it special again. He is an inspired man!

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Dear April,

I agree things are improving. I think that if we continue to think before we speak the words we exchange will be less abrasive. I love the feeling I get when I walk in from work and you take time to pay attention to me and ask how I'm doing, and let me talk about whatever I want to. That shows me that you are working on changing our relationship. As far as not being guarded it will come with time. We can't change everything overnight and we can't get discouraged, we just need to keep trying. I'm still a bit leery about the "Dave and April" letters but it's starting to grow on me. I like the idea of writing you a letter each week. I want a 3 day crazy pass please, maybe would settle for 2 days? As far as doing something better, just try to be patient when I'm talking because as you know I pause.......a lot........and that is when you jump in and cut me off and that is a button pusher for me.

Saturday was really fun. I still think you are nuts for going to a garage sale in the city but the $5.00 pair of father/son boxing gloves take the cake. Thanks for going to the Sports Basement with me to just browse, it meant a lot to me. I have only one final question for you......Did someone break rule number one on our drive to the city? I'm pretty sure someone said 'never'! But you recovered well. We were able to talk about some tough topics without getting ticked off at each other. It took some work and some control, but we did it. Love, D


What we have been working on this past week:

1) Making an effort to hold hands more often.

2) Showing a united front with our children...being partners in parenting. Talking with each other before making decisions.

3) Rule Number Two in communicating...really listening when your spouse is talking about an issue. That means that you repeat what your spouse has said when they are finished, to make sure that you understood it, then you can respond. Most times instead of listening, we are already planning our defensive attack, building our case to blurt out and interrupt. But when you have to repeat what your spouse has just said to make sure you understood their feelings, you can't be planning your attack. Communication really works when you play by the rules. Re-cap...Rule number one, do not say 'never or always'. Rule number two...really listen.

If you missed our introduction last week to this series, you can find it here. Thanks again for your kind words and support and letting us know that we aren't alone!

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If you read all the way through this post...there is a little treat for you. Jessica over at Allora Handmade is hosting a little Funky Vintage Kitchen Giveaway today. Head on over there and check it out!